I have concluded that my wedding song will be, I love how you love me by The Paris Sisters. If my name was Paula and my future husbands name was Paul, then it would be Hey Paula by Paul and Paula… I’m half joking when I say that. I will write an apology to my future husband.
Dear Mr. Husband,
Although I ruined the A La Mode and drank too many mojitos this week, I am madly in love with you and will try my very best not to leave my under garments hanging on the bathroom door knob. There will be bouts of all sorts of fun moods but when we reconcile there will always be a tremendous amount of love making. I will watch a lot of crap television and ask you to suffer in silence as I watch, but no worries, I do laundry. I will show you this after you awkwardly propose to me in front of my parents; both of them will be intoxicated and seem less than exuberant about our holy union. See you in eight years.
P.S. My sister is a lesbian.